No Insect Humanoid Army? Bummer.

It was only a matter of time before I sidled up to the gun crowd and joined their determined campaign to whine about an intrusive gummit.

I used to think that a lot of that crowd was just paranoid, maybe a little delusional, dangerously insane and willfully misinformed, previously by Ben Hur, and now by a bespectacled guy who apparently wants to give handguns to hall monitors in schools or some such. But I don’t think that any more!

Now, I’m seriously considering joining their waddling ranks when they rise, with some effort, from the well-worn ass-grooves in their recliners to declare and defend, through the placement of mass-produced Facebook missives, their Constitutional right to carry bazookas and V-1 rockets and so forth. I’ll be with them, not because of the gun thing, but because of their ironclad principles, because they dare to pursue their dream of an America filled with well-armed Americans.

See, I also have a dream, the simple American dream of a simple American man. All I ever wanted was to develop a race of insect-humanoids, preferably six-foot-long ants with human heads in place of ant heads. But now, that dream is about to be dismantled by the wrecking ball of soul-crushing legislation.

The Georgia version of pro-life political leadership wants to to limit research involving human embryos and other genetic material. They have proposed a bill designed to, among other things, criminalize any attempt to create a human-animal hybrid. Goodbye dream. Apparently, “pro-life” doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.

But this isn’t just about creating giant insects that wear hats and have eyebrows and speech. No, this is about all of our hopes and dreams, all of our rights – your right to hunt squirrels with a Barrett M82 sniper rifle, or small nuclear device; my right to post a sign in my front yard that says, “Beware of Antmen,” and have something besides the failed experiments in my basement to back it up.

I understand the pro-gun crowd a little better now. I, too, feel dispossessed by my government, abandoned – nay, beset upon!

Wake up, America. Today it’s your guns. Tomorrow it could be your clones. What would Thomas Jefferson do? He’d probably play a trick on that stifling prig John Adams, but eventually he’d do the right thing. Now it’s our turn. Let’s do the right thing. Do it for the children. Do it for America. And, lest we forget, go Braves.

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